isn't it ironic

i always find it weird that the best time to blog is when your in a melodramatical state that causes you to talk like you have ADD or something and your life is equivalent to shit covered shit... or cafeteria food.. which ever is more convenient.
Yeah last night was a heinous night. i can't even say it was a bad night because saying it was a bad night would require that I didn't wake up this morning with some oddly out of place suicidal thoughts. And of course a boy had to be involved.
I am one of those people. Those people who crush on people everyday, some one new but when it lasts for more than a day.. it gets really bad. So I started to like this guy, let's call him Josh. So Josh is a sweet kid. I love this kid with all my heart in a friendy way. Until yesterday when I discovered maybe I like this Josh. Now I had just gotten over this intense rejection from this junior i know and you're probably like, "Oh god.." but I all I thought of was this guy all during classes and by the end of the day I was so set on going out with him.
But last night I was also set on going to a football game with some of my friends from middle school or going to chili's with my new friends. Nothing happened.
I didn't go out because my parents wanted my math test which by oh by the way, I failed. They are going ot kill me when they find out. I am never going to be able to go out ever again. Then on top of that, I found out Josh has a girlfriend... he's had one for a year. I was on the fucking brink of insanity like nothing was going to go the way I wanted it and I just wanted to die.
Then this morning my best friend Meg called and tells me that she has found this wonderful and that they are going out on a date Sunday. Which I am so happy for her for because she has needed a guy like this for so long and she deserves it but at the same time I am like, "WTF? why the hell is everyone else so goddamn happy and I am fucking miserable." I am so upset and confused and I have no idea but it really bothers me. And at the rate things are going in my life, happiness is a long time away.